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Category Archives: Promdi Blues

I suddenly remembered an epic I used to hear regularly and taking a look back, it was worth sharing. Again, I hope I don’t mess up and leave out important details. Enjoy…

 

A certain Pedro Abanquil was going to the city to look for his fortune. Before going off, his mother warned him to be wary of scams and whatnots. He nodded and told his mum not to worry for he can handle himself.

When he arrived at the pier, he boarded the first ship to the city. When the ship arrived, he went to a street vendor to buy a smoke. Then when he was about to light it and found he forgot to buy matches. The vendor, being used to his line of work, offered his Zippo lighter.

“Ano yan, niloloko mo ba ako?” said an innocently infuriated Pedro. (What’s that for? Are you shitting me?)

The vendor just smiled like he understood he just came from the islands. Instead of replying, he opened the lighter with the flick of a wrist and out came fire.

Surprised, Pedro said “Ayos! Pati pala posporo, de lata na.” (Kewl! Canned Matches!) He lighted his cig and went on.

He arrived at the bus station and was struck with awe. He went near a bus and examined the door. He said “Aba’y ka gandang bahay nire.” (What a great looking house.)

He knocked on the door and said “Tao po!!” (Anybody home?) Surprise took him as the hydraulic door opened up. The driver bade him to hop aboard as they were about to leave. Mindful of his manners, he removed his slippers before entering. He noticed there were lots of people inside so he asked around. “Kanino po bang bahay ire?” (Who owns this house?) but nodoby replied as all were holding back their laughter and giggles.

As he sat down, he noticed something. “Aba’y ka galing, gumagalaw ang paligid.” (Kewl! Everything else outside is moving.) he said to himself. “Iba talaga dito sa kabihasnan.” (It’s really different here in the city.

Being dizzied by the movement of the bus, he fell asleep. Later on, the conductor tried to wake him up saying “Ser, nasa istasyon na ho tayo. Baba na ho.” (Wake up Sir, we’ve arrived at the station. You have to get off now.) He obliged.

As he went out, he noticed his slippers were missing. Infuriated, he yelled out “T@ng!n@, sino nagnakaw ng tsinelas ko?” (D@mm!t, who stole my slippers?) Seeing no suspects around and feeling that his slippers were really lost without any hope of redemption, he went to a nearby bench, sat down and fimbled into his bag to find his sneakers and a pair of socks.

Feeling down, he put on his socks and then his sneakers. He liked those slippers. Suddenly, he felt hungry so he went to a nearby mall to look for food. Again, he was struck by awe. “Aba’y ka gandang bahay nire. Ke inam. At andaming tao.” (What a beautiful house. Excellent! And look at all the people.”

He followed his nose which led him to the foodcourt. He was surprised at the feast that laid in front of his eyes. There were food all around. “Pista siguro ditto ngayon.” (It must be a Feast) he said to himself. Joyfully, he went to the nearest food stall. He was surprised to learn that the food was not free. Being hungry as he was, he was forced to for over some money in exchange for food.

He found an empty table and settled in so he can eat. “Grabe pala dito, kahit Piyesta, may bayad ang pagkain.” (I can’t believe it. They charge for food even at Feasts.)

He dug into the grub which he found delectable. Being new to these foods, he sampled all he could eat. Then when he was full, he went out of the mall.

He walked along the streets until it got dark and he can’t help but admire the city lights.

Suddenly, he felt his stomach hurting with spasms. Must’ve been all the food he ate. He looked for a place where he could “go”. Luckily, there was a nearby club which were attractive enough with all the ladies seated outside. Colorful lights glittering all around. He approached the guard on duty and asked where the bathroom was while holding his hurting stomach with one hand. Obviously, he had to go. He was pointed towards the bathroom. Hurriedly, he went in. Being not familiar to modern bathroom innovations, he thought the bowl was a well for clean water. He was used to doing it on the ground. Feeling he really had to go, he had no other choice. He can’t soil anywhere since the place was so clean.

He got a sudden brilliant idea. He removed his sock and placed it below his arse… Then he “went” making sure that all the $h!t was going into the sock. As expected, the $h!t was watery like the constipated stuff. Then came another problem. He didn’t have anywhere he can dump it into. Looking around, he noticed there was a small window above head level. He just knew he should throw it out of there before anybody notices. He tied up the sock to make sure everything gets out. He noticed it was starting to drip as the janitor was knocking on the door. They must’ve been nervous of what happened to a potential customer as he was taking too long than normal.

He had to make his move. He swung his sock around as if to gain momentum and as the janitor was able to open the door with his key, he let go of the sock. Luckily, the sock was launched perfectly out of the window.

Awe and disgust struck the Janitor as he saw the walls. Pedro didn’t notice that the drippings have spiralled onto the walls. Then the janitor noticed that the bowl was clean. A puzzled face looked onto Pedro.

Feeling awkward and apologetic, he tried to apologize to the Janitor and begged not to get angry. He was guilty and afraid that the guy might hit him.

“Wag ka mag alala, di kita sasaktan.” (Don’t worry, I won’t hit you.) Said the puzzled Janitor. “Pero sabihin mo muna sa akin kung paano mo ginawa yan.” (But first, you have to tell me how you did all that.) he continued while pointing at the walls.

 

(To be continued… maybe)

 

Note: Any names places and situations (and whatever) are purely coincidental. This is an old tale (or rather a collection of old tales) and I don’t even know who the authors were. Also, it’s more like a collaboration of Promdi Jokes. I just had to compile them onto one whole story since I noticed it could fit in. More tales to follow… hopefully. XD