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Category Archives: Dear Diary

Crawling ever so slowly back to the old work habits, reacquiring them one by one by retracing my steps through childhood and retraining myself as best I can. Oh, hellz yeah! Things can’t get better than this!

Yes! At the summit of all the bills and the financial slumps staring and poking from all directions, Sleep depravity due to all the deadlines at work and the ever so delectable change of diet, being limited mostly to Taters and Sweet P’taters replacing rice, due to the new ailment I’ve been diagnosed with. The Great News announced itself. ^_^

When the water bill finally came the first thing that came to her mind is to leave me and then come back only when I got money again. Hurrah! Definitely, things can’t get any better than this!


And that’s a fact. 😀


*Details would be available upon demand. :3


I wouldn’t really want an emphasis on my sudden disappearance (Again) and my even more sudden (Re)return.

It’s just that… well, guess who’s back is aching like hell since two days ago. XD

Anyway, since I’m currently “sick” I’ve finally found the time to catch up on some stuff I’ve recently lacked the time for and I’m sorta like making a quick checklist of things to do.

First of all, I gotta work on writing stuff for and since a friend suddenly got into Blogging, and invited me to become another co-contributor for, I think I gotta work for an article or two.

Then I’d have to help advertising More players in the server would mean more in-game business opportunities for me. 😀 lol

And I do have to visit a lotta other blogs I used to stalk. I know y’all know who you guys are. Just wait for me. Kukulitin ko kayo hanggang magsawa kayo at ipagtabuyan nyo ‘ko. Nyahahahaha!

That being said, I think I’ma start working on the few items on the list. Maybe later on today, I could add some more. Well, maybe and maybe not. I may be too tired later to even read. Lol.

That does it. It is confirmed. I’m suffering from Old Age. (Old age at 29. Lmao.)


Ayt, see y’all later. Have fun on whatever fun stuff you wanna do. And cheers! Keep drinking. Do it for those who cannot anymore. ^,..,^

I was supposed to post this a few days back but I guess I’ve been either too busy or too tired from work… Or at times, too sick and enduring full body pains that I can’t even get myself to type. XD.

I was on the bus ride to work when I came upon a sudden re-realization. Too bad I can’t just pull out my Laptop and start typing so I did the next best thing. I noted down some of the stuff going on in my head using an old phone’s notepad.

Basically, I’m going back to basics. I got my old phone back. (Room Mate was too tired of maintaining two phones so she let go of the 5-year-old Nokia 6600 which was originally mine and then passed hands between us countless times… Then I had it after that incident last year… But She had to insist on spending some of our last money on a 3,000 peso dual sim China Phone which doesn’t follow it’s own manual. But now, I got both the cheap over-priced phone and this old times. XD) I feel better using this old phone than the new crappy overtly expensive one. I only needed to do some minor Keyboard clean-up, and download a new ring tone wherein a choir sings a song with the lyrics having no other word than “Condom”. Now It’s all set. I don’t need a fancy phone anyway. I had a taste of the fancy lifestyle once but I had a good income and no bills to handle back then.

Now, my income is good enough. Not as good as it was before, but good enough and now, I get to have monthly bills. XD I even stopped using the large electric fan dedicated to the dining table turned work table and instead, turned to using a USB Fan just for the heck of saving energy. XD It would work like shiz by noon time being too hot that even the 5 inch fan can’t even make a difference but when it’s night time, it’s could get so cold that sometimes, I ever turn the USB Mini Fan off.

And since I had my old phone back, I remembered the time I acquired this phone. Back then I had this attitude. And I incidentally (Err, more like accidentally.) had the same hair style now that I had back then.

Back then, I was full of life since I haven’t yet been utterly abused by the companies I have worked for in the past five years. Yes, I was just starting out when I got this 6600. And I still do remember how I sacrificed my own well being for the sake of the companies I so dearly loved but didn’t love me back.

So now, I’m bent on doing some modifications. I am now stuck at an attempt to get a new perspective based on old principles. This time, I hafta remove those that fail to inspire me. (But no, I can’t remove my wife. Sadly. XD) 5 Years ago, I was full of dreams. Dreams for me and my wife. I guess that’s what pushed me into being a workaholic.

I can, therefore, I do. At the point that the wife was not really inspiring me anymore, I had a reason to keep pushing. And that was because I am the only one I know who can push that hard. I used to do it for those who can’t.

Four years after I started, I may have reached my peak. I was the best encoder there ever was. I have been a trainer for new and incoming encoders. The salary and rank didn’t really raise that well but among the ranks, I was. More like Raising the level of work but not the title and the Pay. They bribed me with regular employment so I just hafta take it. Who wouldn’t.

But that promise wasn’t kept as I have been laid off unjustly. I think I’ve discussed this on a previous post so I’ll cut it right here and proceed with the topic at hand.

Back then, I had reasons to do what I did. I had a reason to push… And I noticed the reasons always involved other people. Because they’re depending on me… Because my wife needs to have enough funds for her medication… Because the project needs to be finished.

Right now, I have lost all those reasons. My physical body is at a point of crumbling down. I’m already burned out. I could work for two days at less than half the pace I used to work with and then I’ll be sick for a week. The wife doesn’t want me to work anymore… which is kinda stupid since we need money now more than ever. So, that’s not really inspiring. Thinking of bills ain’t as inspiring either.

So, I’ve come to a realization that first and foremost I gotta turn around and do things for myself for a change. No more “For the sake of those who can’t Bullcrap”. Plainly “I can’t” anymore so I think this is a good time to be a bit selfish. The corporate leeches has leeched more than enough blood from mine veins for me to give a damn nor to care.

Another point is that I’ve been purposely holding myself back from going out plainly because I no longer have enough earning capacity for that. I plan to get around that by finding more ways to enjoy but I gotta make sure it stays within budget. Somehow, RO and Camfrog ain’t cutting it good enough. I need to get out and have a drink where the ambiance is relaxing.

But running the numbers in my head, this part has to wait. I guess I’m gonna be stuck with RO and Camfrog for a while. Well, maybe I could add Youtube into the list. XD

But another problem arising within me as of late is the fact that I’m getting more urges than I ever was. Holding myself back is taking a toll im my constitution. I usually find myself with strong desires at night. (Too bad the RoomMate is Frigid. And BTW, Wifey=RoomMate. I just got myself to referring to her as such since the role she is playing right now is more on that of a RoomMate. She cooks, she washes the clothes, the does all the cleaning up but She won’t ever take care of me when I’m sick and when I need a woman the way every man needs one, I got a guaranteed fail chance so I might as well just stick to flirting online. Yeah, flirting IRL would cost real money so I can’t at the moment. XD) So I gotta find another way to unleash those pent-up desires before it gets to a harmful level. (Yes, gentlemen, Blue balls hurt worse than hell and can turn the most modest man into a beast filled with lust. And yes, the weird thing about abstinence is that even the girls who look bad could look hot while you’re in a frenzy. XD and that’s a major OUCH!)

Then I’ll hafta work on getting back the edge I lost. I’ve been trying some mental exercises to get back part of it but I still ain’t content. I used to work way better than this.

Also, it would have helped if I had something to aim for again so I thought of aiming to own a car again… But sadly, even as I was just suggesting it to Roomie, she just brushed it aside saying “We don’t need that.” (Anyone offering free annulments? XD Nah, just kidding.)

So… maybe I’ll just focus on getting my wrist and finger dexterity back. I’m really gonna need that for RO. It’s about time I focus on getting stronger at that game. XD I’ve been too long in it to still insist that I’m a noob. (Which I clearly still am at any angle.) Besides, I could really use the lost dexterity for faster typing speeds.

And right now, I gotta focus first on the task at hand. See y’all later. I gotta finish this report before day’s end. XD

Isn’t it Beautiful how a song could be understood through the bounds of language.


I closed my eyes and listened to this song… Now I feel ready. I am no longer afraid to be just another memory once again.

I may fade but still, I know for as long as you remember, I would still be a dream worth remembering.


…So I’ll make the most of what I can.


(Or use the either the “Distance” Routine or the “I’m currently busy with something” routine or the “Jealousy” routine. But I do not want to use the “Doormat” Routine. I’m not that kinda poor loser. XD)

12:54 AM, February 5, 2011

Sitting on my usual chair on my usual Dining table-turned-Work Table… Still can’t believe this whirlwind that just passed…

12:56 AM – I suddenly had an itch to play “A Hole in my Soul” by Aerosmith. And damn right, it hurts. Decided to get a copy of the lyrics online than having to type the lyrics myself while listening and pausing the song. Easier that way and I seem to be way too lazier right now to do anything that requires effort.

1:00 AM – With Gin Bottle in hand and shot glass on another, I pour myself a drink…. Smelling the almost sour Gin, I smirked and thought I should consume this here and now before it spoils. Yep, after drinking a shot, I think I really should before it’s wasted.

Searches for Lyrics and if possible, tabs. Womp. Song’s finished… playing it again. Uttering the words “Oh, fuck” again even on the second time around, I am wondering why I had to react the same way to the same line twice. And the line was saying “Is it over?” right after the narrated intro.

Felt like moving my Sniper back to Gonryun since this feels like Gonryun all over again but only worse. Really, I feel like staying in PvP and either mess up the next poor fusker who goes in or maybe I could keep getting killed and go back for more. . . Nah, maybe later when I’m less emotional. I don’t wanna be handing newbs too much of my PvP Panties.

Song just finished so I switched to “Crazy” still by Aerosmith. Found a file… Seems good enough. Copying then pasting here.



Title – Hole in my Soul

Artist – Aerosmith

Song – Hole In My Soul



I’m down a one way street

With a one night stand

With a one track mind

Out in no man’s land

(The punishment sometimes don’t seem to fit the crime)

Yeah there’s a hole in my soul

But one thing I’ve learned

For every love letter written

There’s another one burned

(So you tell me how it’s gonna be this time)



Is it over

Is it over

‘Cause I’m blowin’ out the flame

Take a walk outside your mind

Tell me how it feels to be

The one who turns the knife inside of me

Take a look and you will find there’s nothing there girl

Yeah I swear, I’m telling you girl yeah ’cause


There’s a hole in my soul that’s been killing me forever

It’s a place where a garden never grows

There’s a hole in my soul, yeah I should have known better

‘Cause your love’s like a thorn without a rose

Yeah Yeeeeaaaahhhh


(Same Riff as Verse 1)

I’m as dry as a seven year drought

I got dust for tears

And I’m all tapped out

(Sometimes I feel broke and can’t get fixed)

I know there’s been all kinds of shoes underneath your bed

Now I sleep with my boots on but you’re still in my head

(And something tells me this time I’m down to my last licks)


Is it over

Is it over

Take a walk outside your mind

Tell me how it feels to be

The one who turns the knife inside of me

Take a look and you will find there’s nothing there girl

Yeah I swear, I’m telling you girl yeah ’cause


There’s a hole in my soul that’s been killing me forever

It’s a place where a garden never grows

There’s a hole in my soul, yeah I should have known better

‘Cause your love’s like a thorn without a rose

Yeah Yeeeeaaaahhhh



SOLO (Same riff as verses)



Is it over

Is it over

‘Cause I’m blowin’ out the flame

Take a walk outside your mind    

Tell me how it feels to be

The one who turns the knife inside of me

Take a look and you will find there’s nothing there girl

Yeah I swear, I’m telling you girl yeah ’cause


There’s a hole in my soul that’s been killing me forever

It’s a place where a garden never grows

There’s a hole in my soul, yeah I should have known better

‘Cause your love’s like a thorn without a rose

Yeah Yeeeeaaaahhhh


OUTRO (Like intro)


Or maybe I should just paste the URL. Can anybody tell me how to use spoilers? I mean, those bars you click to show a hidden part of the text? Is it possible here on WordPress?

1:20 AM – Just listened to the song again but this time, I’ve been reading a few lines wherein I can’t make out the words because of the accent maybe. Switching the playlist to “Jaded” still by Aerosmith. At least it doesn’t hurt as much. But I gotta admit. My respect for Aerosmith just went up by one level. I just realized that their songs have actually happened to them and that’s why they rocked and no other band could play their shyt as well as they do. The one who wrote Hole in my soul must’ve, at one point had the same experience I just did… (But I assume they had better since theirs was probably an actual one night stand and mine is just a cyber thing.)

1:25 AM – Am now having a dilemma whether to post what actually happened or not… Maybe I’ll make this a consensus thing. If one reader asks for it to be posted, I’ll post… (Yes K, I’m waiting on you to dare me to post it. XD) But then the moment would have been gone by then and I may fail to describe is as well as I could describe it right now…

So maybe I’ll just post it and assume you wanna read about it. Hell, you’re still reading right now aintcha? So that means you’re interested. Otherwise you would’ve skipped everything.


Prologue (Just so you’d understand what Gonryun meant)

I was just a fresh new player on Kitsune RO and I chose to make a Sniper as a main char. I’ve already set up a Whitesmith (WS) to be my Money char. I could buy stuff with less money and sell stuff for more using the WS and I could just fight using the Sniper.

It was an unpopulated server which definitely needed populating. So, any new player was greeted warmly. I was fortunate enough to have been invited into one of the strongest guilds there were. Forever United (FU). And there was this other new payer who has introduced herself on the forums even while she hasn’t installed the game client yet. Naturally, I got a bit friendly from there on… but she had a bit of trouble installing so I had enough time to train ahead. When she got online, I was the first to greet her. Then I helped her train and max out as I was also trying to max my sniper out. Another Female player, a friend, was helping us.

Chatted a bit while training… Then even before we’re maxed out, I made a sudden move and then she said yes. I felt like a billion bucks right there and then and I swore an oath to myself never to leave the server.

Later on, I found a good cozy private spot in Gonryun Town… A floating island up high in the clouds… We could talk all we want while away from everybody else. She practically taught me the basics of Cybering. She was so hot with her words alone. I was all about it even though I had no idea how she looked like. She was located somewhere in Europe so you could just imagine the time zone difference. It was a good thing I had insomnia.

Gonryun became our Cyber Love nest for what seems to be the longest time… But in reality, It was approximately a whole week. Yeah, things are fast in RO. One can go from zero to hero within one week (or less, once guided towards the correct path) especially since this was a high rate server.

After that week of Bliss, I started falling off of my Work Load. Talking to her was taking up most of my time. So I had to tell her I gotta focus on work a bit maybe for a week… And that I’ll still be at our little patch of heaven whenever I get the chance. She naturally said it was ok. That I should focus first on my Real life woes and that she understood.

After that, I was able to re-focus on work a bit. Been able to do more for a day… But making sure I left my Sniper parked on our little spot. I’ll peep into RO after every piece of work I do just to be sure I won’t miss her when she comes.

Days passed and she’s still a no show…. I lost interest in work slowly… Gradually. I may have lost a good thing just because I had to focus on work. (Dermit, I sometimes hate reliving bad memories.) After about a month, (Mmm, yeah,even stopped blogging waiting up for her. She meant that much.) I gave up waiting and resumed my online RO life. Started going to more Wars of Emperium (WoE), farmed more stuff, made new friends… Fought new foes… Died too many times acting as cannon fodder since I was too weak to kill anyone anyway. XD

Life went on…


I was already typing the main part half way but then I suddenly remembered that we all agreed that anything and everything that went on in the Truth or dare game was to stay in it and that I can’t just blog about it. Wouldn’t feel right…

So I guess I’ll just summarize it as good as I can and skip the details where the T or D may be involved.


Basically, I broke a certain rule about Bros not hitting on Bros’ targets and I think I was the one who added that onto the Rule Book. (I’ll check later for verification. Too tired at the moment.) She was supposed to be an in-game friend’s target and I was just supposed to be Wing man… But disaster struck as I was too drawn into her that I seemed to gradually come to a point where I don’t care about rules anymore. I’m in love with this girl and I know the Bro would understand. . . Though I was still planning to tell him about it and clear things out. Ask for his blessing for me to go on with it and such. So I wasn’t even thinking of dissing the Rule Book.

Then I had the best Time of my life. Too good that I can almost feel her in my hands. I could almost feel her sweet gentle lips pressing against mine… I could almost feel the scent of her hair… I could almost feel her soft gentle embrace. If only it was real… (Yeah, if you’re reading this, I wish. Haha.)

Oh just to feel just that again, I unno what I’ll give up. . . The feeling of being desired… Wanted… As a man is to a Woman.

But I seemed to have drawn an early conclusion. How stupid of me… And way more stupid of me by staying online after she said goodnight and she logged out. I stayed on relishing what just happened feeling like a billion bucks. Forgetting for a moment how the fates hath a habit of screwing things up for me… Or how they tend to just give me a taste of the good stuff then take it away from me.


2:18 AM – Sleep creeping onto me while I poured the last shot. I needed a change of BGM so I decided on playing “Red Lips” by Chicosci. Yeah, seems the message in the song is a harsher version of the kind and gentle words she used on me when she logged back. She said she couldn’t sleep.

But I gotta hold the last parts and just skip to the summaries and bottomlines. Kitsune players may be reading this right now and if there’s someone to be humiliated, let it be just me. I don’t want the server to lose more players as one flame was the first to leave… I would like the other to stay.

There was never an “us” anyway… but there could’ve been. I was feeling it. I had a good chance. But then in the end, it’s a bit complicated…. I may not be able to divulge the details as some parts are too personal on her part for me to share…

I’ll just say I suddenly lost all my chances. Of course, she still opened a window of opportunity but I believe she was just being nice to me since I was nice to her… And she just doesn’t wanna lose a friend… And I sure as hell would love to keep her as a friend. It may hurt as heck every moment I sneak a glance at her which would remind me of that fateful night, which would remind me of a chance which as I told her would “haunt me until I get the chance to make it real.” To which she replied “Maybe”, but I wanna keep her still… Even as a friend. (If you’re reading this, those memories are already hardwired to my Brain and I will never ever forget. Thank you so much for that unbelievably beautiful memory you just shared with me. Dammit, I do love you.)

Right now, after finishing the Quatro Cantos and after having gone through much, I feel I am finally getting the sleep I deserve which I should’ve gone for like five hours ago and she may have had the chance to change her mind by a slim chance.

But the fates have spoken and it is final. I now sleep with a fateful memory clenched tightly in my arms…


Here’s to hoping I don’t eventually end up as another memory again.



In case you’re interested, here are a few links. Yes, I am advertising. Lol. Deal with it. XD

Kitsune Ragnarok Online

Kitsune Ragnarok Online Forums

Last night’s hurriedly assembled team building session (Organized by yours truly) was a hit. Everybody felt more comfortable about each other and that ought to bring work people closer. By that, I can safely say that the objectives have been met.

The problem is this: those red lips keep haunting my thoughts. It’s disturbing.

I never aimed to get into the closely friendly side of the girl whom those red lips belonged to. Amongst the encoders, she was the hottest. (At least by my books.)

It wouldn’t have been a problem if she wasn’t already designated to a Bro… But she is HOT.

When we were still at work, we had the itch to go out and have a light party. (Simply put, our throats were dry.)

First phase of the drinking… err… Team Building session, we situated ourselves at one of Churrasco’s open air tables so the half of the group could smoke. (The other half didn’t smoke.) Then came the ordering session. It was a good thing my buddy promised to share the expenses since I may have less than the budget required and the other two claimed to have no beer money at the moment. Anyway, we promised we’d pay up just so they’d join up.

She knew how to order… That’s a fact. It’s a good thing their Cervesa Negra was Ice cold at the moment. (That evened things out) Maybe because they rarely get orders for that.

Then came the drinking/eating session. Half of the group wanted booze and the other half went for the grub. Well, basically, my buddy and I just wanted to unwind, The other one had a liver condition so he just had iced tea. The hot girl with the red lips just wanted the grub. Lol! But later, she went for a bottle of Tanduay Ice. (I prefer Antonov Apple Vodka by the way.)

The chat session was splendid. We may never have normally known that the one with the weak liver was a 5000 pesos per 7 tricks magician. Kewl! I may never have known that the red lips were currently owned. (Woe for my buddy who have claimed her as his target. Lol.)

Back in the office, me and Red Lips were practically non-existent to each other. I look intimidating especially while working so she tends to avoid talking to me. I tend to avoid talking to her since she’s so intimidatingly HOT. (Yeah, she’s that hot… And I thought I had abnormally high pheromone levels. XD)

I couldn’t help but think that my buddy was kinda stupid enough to sit in front of her when he could’ve sat at the chair they left me. (Right beside the girl.) If he was seated where I was, normally, he’d have the natural tendencies to chat her up. Anyway, we all had a great chat so it still wasn’t a waste. Besides, I’m only occasionally reporting to office and he was in the office 5 days a week. . . And they (including Red Lips) kinda work under him.

When the session was about to end, I noticed she was re-touching her make up (extremely red lipstick) and I couldn’t help but try to stop her. I might get too intoxicated by the alcohol and I may not be able to hold myself. I just had to play the “You’re beautiful even without makeup” card just to stop her but she refused to budge. She just had to put lipstick on.

And damn those people who left me to walk her until she had hailed a cab home. Well, I would’ve given her a cab ride home because of tradition but she insisted not to due to her personal tradition. I had to respect that. Had to keep my cool or I would most probably drool. . . The way her hair flows just sends a sickeningly bad sensation deep inside me. Aside from that, I’ve never imagined any girl could say T@E in a sexy way. It’s poisonously endearing. Too endearing it’s actually priceless. Regret goes to not bringing the camera along. She’s dangerously photogenic.

It’s a good thing she agreed to go the next time we arrange another Team Building Session.

Anyway, here’s to hoping that this memory stays in this blog and out of my mind. I’ll be breaking two traditions if this doesn’t. One, she’s tagged by a Bro as his target. Two, I don’t get jiggy with work acquaintances.

And remembering this, I can’t help but feel stupid that of all things, I forgot to get her number. She may think I’m playing the “don’t get her number on the first date” card.

It was a rainy night and I had to pick up a gift from the province from a family friend. It was primarily an underweight tuna. I think the average commercial weight per piece was 15 to 20 kilos so the one I’m picking up must be around 9 kilos or more.

I was able to secure the use of the company vehicle along with the driver, my drinking buddy. We were supposed to pick the fish up from the fish Depot at Cubao at 10:00 PM but the truck got delayed and was due to arrive at around twelve.

To wait it out, we went to our usual Beer Hole near the office for a few rounds until it was time.

They have just finished unloading the goods when we got there. We received an 11Kg. tuna! Imagine the fish being carried by my buddy posing for pics. (Too bad I lost the file. I could’ve posted it otherwise.) The length was around up to his chest more or less and it was about as thick as my leg. Aside from that, we also got a bag of smaller fish. “Tuna Bait” as the fishermen of Mindoro consider them but it was delicious. When served with stock, the stock itself is enough to go with the rice. (We let my buddy have some and he shared it with the Building Guards and they were all smiles for a week. Lol!)

On our way back to the office, (since we were staying in) we felt the need for more booze. We noticed a small bar on the side of the road, with the ladies nicely seated up front, and since I owe him for the favor he just did me, I told him to pull over so we could wash all the weariness away.

He happily obliged. As a gentleman, he was more than happy to get to meet new ladies from different parts of town. I was used to the scene since I used to a Videoke Producing Company as a teen (and my first job was being a waiter in a club just like this). I wasn’t a stranger to these places. I entered first and the Gay Floor Manager (Later on, I refer to him/her as Mommy Brenda) welcomed us with a big smile, led us to a secluded table on the main dining hall then asked for our order and immediately asked us if we wanted to see their friendly ladies. She motioned for two of them and they surprisingly appeared out of nowhere, sat down beside us and started getting friendly.

My buddy, already half-drunk, as though with a sudden boost of courage, asks for a show-up. He wanted to see all the benefits the club had to offer.

Mommy Brenda, with a wisp of joy, called for the other girls and announced a show-up. The girls lined up and were introduced one by one. Sadly, the cute ones were already busy and had to entertain other customers. We were left with the lack of a choice. As the show-up ended and we were being morally forced to acquire a partner for each of us, a girl appeared from the upper floor, dressed in a hot short black pleaded skirt that boasted of her round fair legs and a black denim vest (it was a little vest. Not sure what this is actually called. Help Please. Lol.) which showed more than it hid and accentuated her fatal curves and ample bosoms.

I was trying to avoid her gaze for fear of melting. Tried to act cool. Then she went over to me, leaned her back onto me then tilted her head back to whisper to my ear. She said “I like you.” Let’s face it. I felt something deep inside me. A fire suddenly lit up, telling me something. I just had to take her as my partner for the night.

Before I got the chance to react, my buddy suddenly blurted out that he wanted her. Being a good friend, I let him have her for the night. I whispered to her telling her to entertain my friend for the mean time and I’ll be back later so we could have a chat. Being a professional that she was, she strutted to sit beside my buddy and I settled with picking one of the girls in random but I made sure the girl looked nowhere like a minor. I’m allergic to minors. Dunno why.

We resumed drinking talking to our own partners until it was too late to keep drinking. It was already 2:00 am and we still had to get some sleep. We had another day ahead of us.

As we were about to leave, I talked to her asking for her name and she told me it was Hanna. (Obviously, it was a screen name and thus, I didn’t care to change it.) I thanked her for showing my friend a good time. She replied with “You gave me away!” while she showed me a frown.

I told her I’ll explain the next time we meet and that I had to go and I’ll be back. She waved goodbye. I boarded the truck. We rode away feeling good and I felt her gaze through the metal covering us from sight.

We arrived just in time for a 2-hour nap. We immediately got to it feeling the need for even a hint of rest.

When the day came, I informed my (former) boss that I wouldn’t be staying in for the rest of the week. By the end of the shift, (the shift actually ends at 4:00 PM but my work extends more. Part of my work included buying the beer for the Consultant team after office hours and setting up the conference table for their use.) I made my way back to the club.

She was furious at first but not to the point of being angry. Maybe she didn’t really like the idea of entertaining my friend. I apologized and asked her if she was busy. She smiled. We went to a vacant table and started drinking. She “confessed” her fondness towards me after a bottle. (Standard Operating Procedure. Guest Relations Officers of these kinda clubs make you feel like they truly are in love with you. Some cases are real. Most are fake emotions. Basically, all of their regulars are their “Boyfriends”.)

Later on, she asked me if I had a girlfriend. I told her I was married. She was hesitant at first but she leaned her back on me. I could smell her hair as I turned her head and started to talk. I noticed she really knew her best angles and assets. Being accustomed to the runnings of local clubs, I asked her if she really did want me. She nodded. I told her I liked her too and asked if she would like for us to try if we had some special chemistry. She cuddled up to me, closing her eyes.

I whispered to her ear and said “Look, I respect your work. I really do. I like you. You got something special in you that I want to know more about. Very few are able to excite me. I’m very picky. I got no idea what you got that others don’t have. I can’t get you off my mind ever since last night.” She turned her head as if listening intently. Then I continued saying “I respect you so I’ll respect your decision. I’m fine with being just a regular customer. I’ll be happy with just that. But I’ll have to ask: Would you please be mine?”

She tried turning her hear farther as if trying to look me in the eyes. I noticed how beautiful she was. To my surprise, my question was answered with a deep kiss. It felt good. It stirred up something deep inside me. A feeling I rarely get. I kissed back. I couldn’t help but embrace her. Feel her warmth. Then when our lips parted, I said (in bisaya) “Gihigugma taka.” (Translated: I love you. I had an ex from Mindanao and I studied up some words for that purpose. Didn’t realize I would be using them in this situation.)

She was surprised. She didn’t expect me to know her native tongue. She asked me where I came from and I told her I was born and raised in Bulacan and that I only studies some visayan phrases.

Wait, this post is getting too long and I need to catch some Zs. I gotta report to office this morning. I’ll cut it here for a cliffhanger then continue writing later. Lol!



Finally, I found a little patch of tranquility with a nice clean table that serves Cold beer. Hehe.

I can finally resume writing the rest of the post.

So, where did we stop? . . Oh, ok, that part. Lol. Here it goes:

After a few more bottles, it was getting too late so I bid my farewell, paid up, tipped the waiter and headed home. I never felt so good. Its a different feeling everytime we get a new flame into our life.

For one whole week, I came back every night. Even if she had other guests, I’d wait it out. We had an agreement that I would even avoid looking at her when she’s occupied. It was her work. I had to respect that. Whenever a girl is occupied, the customer pays for her time and chatting with other guests is a major offense to the customer. Having spent my teen years working in a club had me know that. There have been much fisticuffs which started with a customer eyeballing a girl that was already timed in. (That and the Legendary “My Way”. Lmao!) I’m very cautious of that. I could always wait it out and then time her in so she’d be focused on me.

That went on smoothly. We were night time lovers and I loved it. She’d be anticipating my arrival and I’ll be reminiscing until I sleep.

She told me she had a daughter and I told her i wanted to act surrogate. I even bought her (the daughter) gifts for various occasions. And as if that wasn’t enough, the kid had to share the same birth date as mine. (Coincidence?)

Whenever her kid would get sick, she would inform me and I would be up and running to her (financial) aid. We agreed that she would introduce mo to the kid as her real Dad. (Which obviously didn’t happen.)

On our first date outside the club, we were supposed to go alone. Just the two of us. She was hinting that she wanted to go to a cold, private place very familiar to many of us. (but not to me. Really!) I tried to keep my thoughts off that as it wasn’t in my plan to do so. If she wanted it, she had to ask for it.

To my surprise, when she went to our meeting place 3 hours late, she had with her a cousin and a gay brother, both working in the same club she was.

I had to change plans. They had to be back to the club by 6:00 PM and it was already 3:30 PM. I can’t just take her to a far away place. I decided to take them to a nearby mall to shop for some “Basic” Groceries.

It was ok with me since I’d be sure that she’d be eating right unlike before. House food for stay-ins were usually not really appetizing.

The other two went in another direction trolling along their own push cart while we pushed ours. We picked the basic stuff. Corned beef, Sardines, tuna, Luncheon Meat, soap, shampoo, etc.

I was surprised when I saw the other two. Their cart was half-way full. Then I had to overhear the gay brother saying “Hayaan mo siya magbayad. Siya naman nag offer eh.” I just kept my cool. Deep inside, I knew the faggot was taking advantage. My girl must’ve noticed this and to my relief, told her gay brother to drop off some things they didn’t really need.

In the end, my budget for a good date was depleted in a manner of minutes. Good thing it was almost time for them to go back to work. Otherwise, I’d have looked like a fool looking for more funds to entertain them.

After that disaster, I began to think depper than before. She didn’t really have to take the two along but she insisted they tagged along against her will. Being the eldest among the three, she could’ve easily shoved them off and promised to bring something to eat when she gets back. She would’ve done that if she really did consider our first real date to be special.

I had to smart-up. I lessened the frequency of my visits. I noticed she shows less and less affection for me as the days went by.

My last time to havea drink with her, it was daytime. I was an esteemed regular guest so I get to request her even at daytime. She seemed happy since I was there. She looked like she wasn’t faking it. We got liquored up and since we were the only people drinking on the second floor, we got the chance to do some things we normally can’t.

We started kissing. Then the kissing got torrid. More torrid than ever. We never made out like this before since there were still customers whenever we’d meet.

Things got heated up and I wasn’t able to keep myself from reaching for her bosoms. I started fondling with her and she seemed to like it. She gave out moans as she bit her tongue then she’d pull my head up to kiss me. Then I’d tease her by groping her ample bosoms until she arches herself backward then I’d resume kissing her cleavage giving her reason for more sighs of kept lust and worldly wishes.

I knew if only I’d have wanted, I could’ve taken her to a cozy place close by… but I didn’t. I didn’t want it. Well, yeah, I wanted it too but I knew she just wanted someone to get her pregnant so she could have leverage over that man and have her way financially without having to work in the club. I wasn’t that stupid to fall for her charms completely. Nowadays I only pretend to be in love until I find a reasonable logical proof that the girl really loves me. But I was a good actor. I just don’t know if I still am. (A different story focuses on this. Wait for that. If I forget, remind me. Hehe.)

She may have been acting it out to empty my pocket but back then, I did want someone to act as if she’s in love with me and I was willing to pay. I got what I wanted. She wanted someone to scam into getting her pregnant. She also got what she wanted but not from me. Lol!

The last conversation we had through SMS, she informed me she was going to get married. I told her I was happy for her and I wished her the best that life has to offer.

After that conversation, something piqued my interest. Its very likely that she just found a new guy who’d shell out more funds for her. Anyway, she was getting a bit long on the tooth so I didn’t mind. At least I’ll be free to scout on for new targets.

The first chance I got, I went back to the club looking for her. The Management informed me that she had a vacation. Her Gay Brother told me she was called home by her Mom and dad and that she took her hot cousin with her to have a vacation.

The two stories didn’t match. I told the gay brother what she told me. He kept insisting she didn’t get married. Even Mommy Brenda insisted she was just on vacation.

I acted along. I kept visiting and kept refusing any offers from the Mama Sang to partner an Angel. She’d recommend me to her best, hottest girl every time but I wouldn’t flinch. I kept telling her Hanna would be furious if she’d known I partnered another girl. Worked like a charm for me. I finally found a cheap place where the atmosphere is that of a cheap club. I could drink and decline any Angels because I had the perfect alibi.

Later on, I asked the gay brother about her sister. He told me she was ok. I nodded then I smiled. Obviously, she’s informed him of what a blunder they did so they started playing along.

I still go there from time to time knowing she might have been dumped and she might be back in business. It has happened to her before and it was bound to happen again.

In the end, if we would think with the numbers, I ended up winning a good deal. I went to a club, where the patrons usually got less than what they paid for, but I got my money’s worth and even more.

I managed to keep my status in that club pretending to be deeply hurt and just told them that I had to avoid going because it just brings back sad memories. It worked like a charm. I still get to have special favors if I ask them while spending less and less time visiting.

Right now, I’m just waiting for things to get better for me and for them to get better looking Angels and maybe I’ll be back on a regular basis.

Sorry I had to digest the whole thing into general paragraphs. Its supposed to be longer than this but I didn’t include the minor things. I’m running on batteries and my beer is about to run out. Lol.

Hope you enjoy this. Comments highly appreciated.

Khaye, why do I feel like my Blog is slowly turning into another Is it just me? Must be going crazy again.

Sorry for the sudden format change. Had a little accident with MS Word. Lol! Noobie moment. 😛

I’ve got some posts due for review. Some of them proves to be really sensitive so I’ll have to ask around for insights on the posts before I publish them. I just hope you don’t mind the inconvenience.

I want do a gender sensitivity analysis/review on them. Wouldn’t want to be unfair.

As promised, I’ll start sharing these as I reminisce.

Past flames, adventures and misadventures. I just hope my blog doesn’t end up being a porn site. Anyway, my first post in the series wouldn’t really be about a past flame now misadventure. It’s just that I suddenly remembered her and what I unknowingly done. She was long gone before I even realized what happened and I wouldn’t have known if I didn’t share it with a female friend who almost came to hitting me for treating a girl like that.

I’d like to hide her personality (In truth, I forgot her name! LMAO! I’m really getting old) so let’s call her Jane.

Around 26 years old. Was tall and slim. Molatta but on the fairer side. Got this good figure. (Around 34 C, I think) Was always wearing a smile and a pony tail.

She was a GRO at the nearest Beer Joint from the office. It was a regular hang-out so naturally, we got to know her. She was really fond of my phone back then (Nokia 5800 Express Music. Too bad it got slashed from my pants.) I would usually let her hold onto my phone whenever I visit and she would play “Racing Thunder” amongst other games. Well, she was really into my phone.

Later on, we got really close and there are Fridays when I’d drink up all I can then they’d let me sleep there when they closed shop. (No, Khaye, nothing happened. Lol!) We’d sleep beside each other and go separate ways by morning.

I treated her like one of the boys and she seemed happy about it.

She developed this habit of greeting my phone first before greeting me and even ask me through text how my phone was whenever I was away. This went on until it got the point when I suddenly had this private joke played on her. I told her my phone was in love with her and that it misses her so. By night fall, we went to the club and she, of course, greeted my phone. I went on with the private joke by saying “My phone asks if you would be his girl.” She said yes. She was really happy that night. That was the only time when I saw her shine like that. Being a friend, I was happy as long as she’s happy.

The private joke went on. I kept thinking she was just riding with it. Whenever I’d send her an SMS, I’d end it with “and the Phone asks me to send you his love” or “the Phone sez he loves you.” Then she’d reply by sending back her love.

After about half a month, they got this new girl. Now, she was my type. Ok, not exactly the standard “My Type” but more of an exceptional “My Type”. She was Petite. Gorgeous figure. (36D, I think) A bit on the chubby side but was really cure. Fair skinned. The type of girl I could only dream of. Let’s call her Michelle. She was really busy at first being the new girl so I waited out until she ain’t too busy anymore.

After a month, there was less customers and I was able to talk to this Michelle. Got to know her a bit. Found out she was an aspiring Call Center Agent but didn’t quite make it. (Her diction and Accent was good but she kept looking for words whenever she’d show off by talking to me using her English and I’d talk back in English.) She was sweet and uber cute. Later on, I realized that I’m not her type and all I could ever be was a bigger brother. And I did.

One time, when we were going to Antipolo on an Errand for my (former) Boss, I was trying to Contact Michelle to tell her to wait up for me since I had her Christmas Gift wrapped. She wasn’t replying so I thought maybe she was asleep. I Sent an SMS to Jane to ask if Michelle was awake and I got a bad reply. Bad enough to ruin my day. She was furious because I was asking her about Michelle.

I found no logical reason for her to be mad so I thought maybe she was having her Menstrual Cycle. I tried to calm her down but she just replied by saying “Don’t ever text me again!” I asked if she was serious and she seemed serious enough. She even said she won;t accept my present and I should instead give it to Michelle. She insisted that if I try and give it to her, I’ll regret it.

We arrived at the club at around 10:00 pm. There weren’t any customers.

I remembered how she insisted on not receiving anything from me so I had my Drinking Buddy (Office Driver) give Jane the Bear she so longingly requested a few months back. Then I gave Michelle that lipstick I got on a discounted price.

Honestly, I was hurt by Jane’s actions earlier and having watched “Drop Dead Fred” (It was a movie about an imaginary friend. Was a good movie. Really worth watching.) as a kid, I had no choice but to cease existence from her life. My job was done. She wanted me out, so I had to respect that. I had to move on.

I catch glimpses of her and her face says she’s trying to say sorry but I think the damage has been done. I was really in pain of losing a dear friend.

I went on with life and the next thing I know, she already changed numbers and got fired from the club due to the major decrease in her performance.

Much later, I told this story to a female office mate. She Got really mad at me and almost hit me. I didn’t get it at first so I asked her why she suddenly got angry. She just replied with “Gago ka pala eh! Sino ba may ari ng celphone?”

Then it really hit me. Jane was friggin’ serious and she thought it was my way of flirting. D@m! Have I only known…

But it was too late. The other girls, even the manager, doesn’t know her new number so there, I became an @$$hole without even knowing it.

Had I only known…

First month into renting independently.

It took quite a shock into my system. Everything used to be free and if I had to shell out, it had to be in the form of contributions like paying up for the electric bill for the current month because the family was encountering a financial lagspike, shopping for groceries because the supplies were low, buying half a cavan of rice, Things like that.

But it was part of being a Filipino Family. We stick together for better or for worse. The only logical reason for a branch of the family to go separate ways was if the house was already too crowded or if they’re not getting along with the other branches.

I started out living off MY ROOM. But it wasn’t my room at first. I used to sleep on the couch in the main house. It was originally intended to be rented out. Was designed for business potential, located up front, right beside the road. I did quite some businesses back then. Opened up a Barber shop with P 1,468.00 as total starting money. (uber budgeting prowess. The sai amount covered everything up including hair cutting tools and implements, the Barber’s chair and even the paint job and a painted sign. Maybe I’ll post a “How to” later.) Closed down after a retard cousin of mine started gambling with my share of the earnings and ended up owing more money than what he started with. I was still studying back then so I just let it close down. I didn’t have enough time to manage it after that.

I also made it into a carinderia. (food store) (note to Mungo Conspirators: No, we didn’t regularly serve mungo. If we did, it might’ve been once or twice through the whole duration… And I didn’t think it was a Friday.) Things were going smoothly at first but as the Filipino custom of mixed crab mentality and by the religious followers of the gaya gaya puto maya cult, as the other women of the Neighbourhood noticed it was me, a “who is this kid” guy, a member of the male species, a college student, who was cooking the main dishes, started moving by their own directives.

The competition kept sampling my specialties, haggling it down to the base price. I, as a fellow businessman, and as a sign of respect to them, the ones who’ve been in this business longer than I was, agreed to lower my price but only to them. Later on, some (or maybe all, who knows?) of them spread a nasty rumor that my dishes were unclean. Of course, since their “loyal friends” weren’t in my clients list, it didn’t really affect my cash flow. My usual clientele were usually those who are living from my house. Yes, they’d walk more than fifty meters just to sample again and again my killer Menudo. Hehehe.

What killed my business was those who set up shop near the highway. It smacked me in the gut. There were days when I won’t even sell a thing. People had too much to choose from so they chose the more logical choice and bought for the ones nearer. I was farthest so that explains it.

After that, I decided to call it quits and get it over with. Can’t bear to lose more than what was lost. I was just a student for chrissakes. I didn’t have the spending power.

Not later than two months after I closed up, the ones near the Highway cloed up too. What cincidence. Hehehe. They couldn’t take the heat.

After that, the room remained empty and was used as storage space. One grey evening, when my dad was at his usual habit of watching TV until the only thing showing was static even though he knew that the couch was officially MY SLEEPING SPACE, I’ve decided to occupy the empty room up front and make it mine. My idiotic Father did say it was mine and I should use it as I see fit.

The next day, I announced to the household, more like declared to the household, that I am occupying the room.

All went well. I had more space than I needed to use so I could entertain guests, held small private parties, finally bought a second-hand Playstation and a cheap VCD Player. Other kids in the neighbourhood got jealous and set up their own room themselves. Hehehe.

It was my private space. I could even say, with all honesty, that I never went into a motel room (with a girl, of course) until after I got married. (Details can’t be shared. Sorry) Why would I rent when I had my ROOM. I had plenty of space to do what I needed doing. There were times when my date had to bring along a female friend as a chaperone, who later got drunk too, and were both afraid to go home drunk. I’ll offer them to stay over since my parents wouldn’t even know in the condition that they had to leave early so nobody finds out.

I was living separately and at the same time, I was still in the same household. It was still part of the house. Only it had a separate door.

Later on, I got married. My wife moved in and it was grand. We had our own little space. After a year or so, my greedy excuse of a father decides he wanted to get some revenue from the ROOM. Forced his way into making us move into the main house. Told us that we would have the MASTER’S BEDROOM, which was fitting only to the Master of the Household or at least to the heir of the household. Having been logically bamboozled into it, we obliged them but with the condition that the revenue from the rent of my FORMER ROOM was to be mine. An extra income so to speak. A brilliant idea from my greedy excuse of a father.

Then the electric bills and the water bills gushed in and we were logically forced to agree that the rent money should go to the bills. It was my contribution to the household. How clever. My wife and I would finally be able to focus on saving up for our dream business.

So I worked my a$$ off thinking of our future. Saved every hard earned penny. And when I finally had enough funds to set up shop, disaster struck. I got mugged leaving me with an injured foot. Was barely able to stand. I lost my job (as explained in the “About the Author” page) then I got kicked outta the house.

Luckily, I found a job which I could do at home that pays better than my former job but required utmost data processing skills and analysis. Sure, it pays better but now I have to face all the bills and expenses.

My wife had to choose a P3,500.00 apartment over a P1,000.00 apartment only because it looked cuter. (And because the neighbours of the cheaper apartment had to be hot GROs. Just my luck.) The extra P2,500.00 might’ve helped much.

We had to shell out every last ounce of savings we had just so we could pay the downpayment for the apartment, the wife’s new refrigerator she really had to have, the new furniture which really had to be the fully upholstered, eye-candy but feels cheap to the arse and sags to the side type and had to be semi-expensive because it was blue and red, the shiny dining table complete with four chairs even though we’re usually just two people in this house, the new curtains she had to change with another one every two weeks, the coffee table which was barely used as a coffee table since the living room had less space than she anticipated but is now being used as storage space for her old magazines, a “Dura Box” for a closet she really needed to buy even though we had one made of wood which my grandmother left me as an heirloom but she needed the new plastic one because it was very cutely blue, a smaller set of plastic drawers, also blue in color, since the first larger one still lacked enough space for my clothes and other stuff. And I also had to procure a computer for my job. Good thing my mother loaned me 25K so I just had to shell out 5k to buy this. (Ok, I know it was a bit expensive but if I was gonna be stuck on a computer for a long time, it has to be worth it.) The good part is that I only have to pay half of what she loaned me in installments. All that and other things I’ve already forgotten. Then the last drop of savings had to be sacrificed for the rent because my employer forgot to give me my wages for last month and had to be on field until last Monday.

Oh, and I forgot the bed my wife bought just because she fancied it. Every time I sleep on it, my lower back hurts. Am I getting old or is that a cheap mattress sold over-priced just because it was branded?

There it went. All my hard work slaving in front of the computer in seemingly endless nights followed immediately by hectic days, down in the drain. My business opportunities, squandered away in what might’ve been more productive. (I had partnership offers wherein the investor is going to shoulder most of the needed initial financial input and I only had to put in my time and effort managing it. Of course, since, he had the money, he had to choose what type of business but I get to choose the location and the equipment. Being not a total noob on business matters, I know I should at least share a good amount to the initial expenses to ensure my partner can’t kick me out that easily. The savings might’ve helped much here.) Hey, I had to survive and I had a responsibility to keep my wife happy.

I had to cut night-outs off from my personal budget and had to ask my wife to reduce my personal allowance to 1/4 of what it was only to cover up for the extra expenses. I had to resort to casual drinking alone, in the house, with my dog as barkeep instead of my former rations of San Miguel Beer on a cozy bar somewhere near where there is soft music and the ladies are friendly.

I even had to ration my prepaid internet to five days a week (sometimes, five days in two weeks) instead of having it every day just to make up. I started budgeting my soda intake so a 1.5 liter bottle would last me somewhere between five days to one week. I know water is far healthier but at times like these, any luxury is very welcome just to ease the pain.

If all that wasn’t enough, the Meralco (electricity) bill had to be almost double the usual amount just because some top hat official sez so. I reviewed the bill’s contents and yes, we still pay for the energy which was stolen through illegal connections. I thought this was resolved years ago? WTF?!?

Now, at budget’s end, I wonder… My contract only lasts ’til the end of this month. Would I get an extension? Would the next contract, of another job type, push through and let me continue the flow of income? Would there be enough readers and followers in this blog to sustain online income if ever I decide to hook me up with one of those online advertising companies? Could I find, in good time, alternative sources of income if ever I don’t get more contracts? Since the rent of MY FORMER ROOM was supposed to be mine and was only taken from me as my contribution for the former Household, would I ever receive my cut again? (That greedy greedy sonova….) Was my father thinking, when he kicked me out, that I would have to endure this at such a vulnerable part of my days? (My foot haven’t fully healed yet. And no, he’s too much into the money to even think about that nor flinch if ever it occurs to him.)

If things get even worse, I’ll have to consider forcing myself to stop smoking even though I owe my life to Winston.

But as the saying goes, we Filipinos are flexible. I know I could get through this phase. The methods on how just hasn’t occurred to me yet. But I’m still optimistic about all this. I’ve never been so close to my dog before and I can see my wife is really happy having me around 24/7.

I’ve finally found enough time to write. I would never have bought a 30k laptop. Now my lappy is a killer! It’s even photogenic!

I am the man of the house. (But of course, there’s only three of us here and one had to be a dog.)

I get to work all night and sleep all day. Woohooo!!! 😀

My wife gets more and more beautiful each day. Must be because she doesn’t see my idiotic Father’s face every morning like she used to.

I got myself a new Girlfriend. That’d make things interesting.

I’ve lost some weight. Its rather slow but it’s getting there… eventually.

I guess I’ll just have to wait ’til my old man kicks the bucket so I’d inherit the old house. Hehehe. We’ll get there… eventually.