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Monthly Archives: September 2010

I suddenly remembered an epic I used to hear regularly and taking a look back, it was worth sharing. Again, I hope I don’t mess up and leave out important details. Enjoy…

 

A certain Pedro Abanquil was going to the city to look for his fortune. Before going off, his mother warned him to be wary of scams and whatnots. He nodded and told his mum not to worry for he can handle himself.

When he arrived at the pier, he boarded the first ship to the city. When the ship arrived, he went to a street vendor to buy a smoke. Then when he was about to light it and found he forgot to buy matches. The vendor, being used to his line of work, offered his Zippo lighter.

“Ano yan, niloloko mo ba ako?” said an innocently infuriated Pedro. (What’s that for? Are you shitting me?)

The vendor just smiled like he understood he just came from the islands. Instead of replying, he opened the lighter with the flick of a wrist and out came fire.

Surprised, Pedro said “Ayos! Pati pala posporo, de lata na.” (Kewl! Canned Matches!) He lighted his cig and went on.

He arrived at the bus station and was struck with awe. He went near a bus and examined the door. He said “Aba’y ka gandang bahay nire.” (What a great looking house.)

He knocked on the door and said “Tao po!!” (Anybody home?) Surprise took him as the hydraulic door opened up. The driver bade him to hop aboard as they were about to leave. Mindful of his manners, he removed his slippers before entering. He noticed there were lots of people inside so he asked around. “Kanino po bang bahay ire?” (Who owns this house?) but nodoby replied as all were holding back their laughter and giggles.

As he sat down, he noticed something. “Aba’y ka galing, gumagalaw ang paligid.” (Kewl! Everything else outside is moving.) he said to himself. “Iba talaga dito sa kabihasnan.” (It’s really different here in the city.

Being dizzied by the movement of the bus, he fell asleep. Later on, the conductor tried to wake him up saying “Ser, nasa istasyon na ho tayo. Baba na ho.” (Wake up Sir, we’ve arrived at the station. You have to get off now.) He obliged.

As he went out, he noticed his slippers were missing. Infuriated, he yelled out “T@ng!n@, sino nagnakaw ng tsinelas ko?” (D@mm!t, who stole my slippers?) Seeing no suspects around and feeling that his slippers were really lost without any hope of redemption, he went to a nearby bench, sat down and fimbled into his bag to find his sneakers and a pair of socks.

Feeling down, he put on his socks and then his sneakers. He liked those slippers. Suddenly, he felt hungry so he went to a nearby mall to look for food. Again, he was struck by awe. “Aba’y ka gandang bahay nire. Ke inam. At andaming tao.” (What a beautiful house. Excellent! And look at all the people.”

He followed his nose which led him to the foodcourt. He was surprised at the feast that laid in front of his eyes. There were food all around. “Pista siguro ditto ngayon.” (It must be a Feast) he said to himself. Joyfully, he went to the nearest food stall. He was surprised to learn that the food was not free. Being hungry as he was, he was forced to for over some money in exchange for food.

He found an empty table and settled in so he can eat. “Grabe pala dito, kahit Piyesta, may bayad ang pagkain.” (I can’t believe it. They charge for food even at Feasts.)

He dug into the grub which he found delectable. Being new to these foods, he sampled all he could eat. Then when he was full, he went out of the mall.

He walked along the streets until it got dark and he can’t help but admire the city lights.

Suddenly, he felt his stomach hurting with spasms. Must’ve been all the food he ate. He looked for a place where he could “go”. Luckily, there was a nearby club which were attractive enough with all the ladies seated outside. Colorful lights glittering all around. He approached the guard on duty and asked where the bathroom was while holding his hurting stomach with one hand. Obviously, he had to go. He was pointed towards the bathroom. Hurriedly, he went in. Being not familiar to modern bathroom innovations, he thought the bowl was a well for clean water. He was used to doing it on the ground. Feeling he really had to go, he had no other choice. He can’t soil anywhere since the place was so clean.

He got a sudden brilliant idea. He removed his sock and placed it below his arse… Then he “went” making sure that all the $h!t was going into the sock. As expected, the $h!t was watery like the constipated stuff. Then came another problem. He didn’t have anywhere he can dump it into. Looking around, he noticed there was a small window above head level. He just knew he should throw it out of there before anybody notices. He tied up the sock to make sure everything gets out. He noticed it was starting to drip as the janitor was knocking on the door. They must’ve been nervous of what happened to a potential customer as he was taking too long than normal.

He had to make his move. He swung his sock around as if to gain momentum and as the janitor was able to open the door with his key, he let go of the sock. Luckily, the sock was launched perfectly out of the window.

Awe and disgust struck the Janitor as he saw the walls. Pedro didn’t notice that the drippings have spiralled onto the walls. Then the janitor noticed that the bowl was clean. A puzzled face looked onto Pedro.

Feeling awkward and apologetic, he tried to apologize to the Janitor and begged not to get angry. He was guilty and afraid that the guy might hit him.

“Wag ka mag alala, di kita sasaktan.” (Don’t worry, I won’t hit you.) Said the puzzled Janitor. “Pero sabihin mo muna sa akin kung paano mo ginawa yan.” (But first, you have to tell me how you did all that.) he continued while pointing at the walls.

 

(To be continued… maybe)

 

Note: Any names places and situations (and whatever) are purely coincidental. This is an old tale (or rather a collection of old tales) and I don’t even know who the authors were. Also, it’s more like a collaboration of Promdi Jokes. I just had to compile them onto one whole story since I noticed it could fit in. More tales to follow… hopefully. XD

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Last night’s hurriedly assembled team building session (Organized by yours truly) was a hit. Everybody felt more comfortable about each other and that ought to bring work people closer. By that, I can safely say that the objectives have been met.

The problem is this: those red lips keep haunting my thoughts. It’s disturbing.

I never aimed to get into the closely friendly side of the girl whom those red lips belonged to. Amongst the encoders, she was the hottest. (At least by my books.)

It wouldn’t have been a problem if she wasn’t already designated to a Bro… But she is HOT.

When we were still at work, we had the itch to go out and have a light party. (Simply put, our throats were dry.)

First phase of the drinking… err… Team Building session, we situated ourselves at one of Churrasco’s open air tables so the half of the group could smoke. (The other half didn’t smoke.) Then came the ordering session. It was a good thing my buddy promised to share the expenses since I may have less than the budget required and the other two claimed to have no beer money at the moment. Anyway, we promised we’d pay up just so they’d join up.

She knew how to order… That’s a fact. It’s a good thing their Cervesa Negra was Ice cold at the moment. (That evened things out) Maybe because they rarely get orders for that.

Then came the drinking/eating session. Half of the group wanted booze and the other half went for the grub. Well, basically, my buddy and I just wanted to unwind, The other one had a liver condition so he just had iced tea. The hot girl with the red lips just wanted the grub. Lol! But later, she went for a bottle of Tanduay Ice. (I prefer Antonov Apple Vodka by the way.)

The chat session was splendid. We may never have normally known that the one with the weak liver was a 5000 pesos per 7 tricks magician. Kewl! I may never have known that the red lips were currently owned. (Woe for my buddy who have claimed her as his target. Lol.)

Back in the office, me and Red Lips were practically non-existent to each other. I look intimidating especially while working so she tends to avoid talking to me. I tend to avoid talking to her since she’s so intimidatingly HOT. (Yeah, she’s that hot… And I thought I had abnormally high pheromone levels. XD)

I couldn’t help but think that my buddy was kinda stupid enough to sit in front of her when he could’ve sat at the chair they left me. (Right beside the girl.) If he was seated where I was, normally, he’d have the natural tendencies to chat her up. Anyway, we all had a great chat so it still wasn’t a waste. Besides, I’m only occasionally reporting to office and he was in the office 5 days a week. . . And they (including Red Lips) kinda work under him.

When the session was about to end, I noticed she was re-touching her make up (extremely red lipstick) and I couldn’t help but try to stop her. I might get too intoxicated by the alcohol and I may not be able to hold myself. I just had to play the “You’re beautiful even without makeup” card just to stop her but she refused to budge. She just had to put lipstick on.

And damn those people who left me to walk her until she had hailed a cab home. Well, I would’ve given her a cab ride home because of tradition but she insisted not to due to her personal tradition. I had to respect that. Had to keep my cool or I would most probably drool. . . The way her hair flows just sends a sickeningly bad sensation deep inside me. Aside from that, I’ve never imagined any girl could say T@E in a sexy way. It’s poisonously endearing. Too endearing it’s actually priceless. Regret goes to not bringing the camera along. She’s dangerously photogenic.

It’s a good thing she agreed to go the next time we arrange another Team Building Session.

Anyway, here’s to hoping that this memory stays in this blog and out of my mind. I’ll be breaking two traditions if this doesn’t. One, she’s tagged by a Bro as his target. Two, I don’t get jiggy with work acquaintances.

And remembering this, I can’t help but feel stupid that of all things, I forgot to get her number. She may think I’m playing the “don’t get her number on the first date” card.

A Filipino died and has faced judgement. He was sent to hell.

When he arrived, he noticed that there is one hell for every country. He asked around and he found out that you can choose to register to another country’s hell aside from your own but you’d have to handle the paperwork.

He decided he’d walk around for a while and see the different hells. He noticed that every type of hell is pretty much the same. Residents are boiled in oil for up to five hours, made to lie down on a bed of nails for a couple of hours then they get electrocuted five times. After all that, they get whipped by the local devil for the rest of the day.

He saw the American hell and noticed there aren’t many Filipinos. He’d figured that since there are too many Filipinos dying to become American Citizens, they’d jump at the chance to get a Green card even in hell.

He walked on until he saw a very long line of people. He asked what they were lined up for.

“Oh, we want to become Filipino Citizens here in hell.” Replied the American soul. Puzzled, he went nearer to the other end of the line and found out that it really was the Philippine Hell.

Curiosity kicked in so he asked the Fillipino guard on duty. “Bakit andaming nakapila?” (Why is the line too long?)

“Ganyan ho talaga ditto.” Replied the guard. “Lahat sila gusto pumasok sa impyerno natin.” (It’s like this normally. They all want to belong to our hell.)

“Eh, bakit naman?” Replied the puzzled soul. (Why?)

“Kasi, yung mga pako sa kama, may nagnakaw. Yung langis, ibinenta nung isang opisyales tapos pinalitan ng tubig kaso di pa nakakabili ng gas para sa kalan at nagkakatamaran pa kung sino bibile. Laging walang kuryente kaya di magamit yung electric chair tapos, yung demonyo dito, dating taong gobyerno nung nabubuhay pa kaya papasok lang sa umaga para mag time-in tapos uuwi na. Lulutang lang yun ulit sa hapon para mag time-out.”

(Someone stole the nails. Some officials sold the oil and replaced it with water. The stove to heat the water ran out of gas and they’re still arguing over who will buy a new tank. We regularly have power failures so the electric chair is worthless and the resident demon used to be a Government employee back when he was still alive. He just comes in to punch his card in the morning then goes home. He only goes back to punch his card out by the end of his shift.)

Ever since I got this lappy ang a plug-it, I’ve been searching for a good enough online game to keep me pacified whenever I get too bored. I do get those really lonely nights when I get sleepless and I need to do something to let off some heat.

I tried downloading Cabal Online. Waited for long enduring hours (which is technically days, almost a week) for the download to finish. Then I waited patiently for the launcher to update the game. After that, I endured the Gameguard Update.

Then I was able to play for like an hour.

Got disconnected after that since my internet started acting up. Looks like my specially prioritized trial period was up. Oh, well.

Each day after that, I kept trying to log in to my demise. Even when I had a good connection speed, the servers were too crammed to let me in. I had to buy a premium account (which involved real money) just to log into the non-congested premium servers.

After two weeks of trying, I gave up. It was no longer worth the effort. I was like a beggar begging for scraps.

 

I tried to look for another alternative. Searched for other games that e-games had to offer. I tried installing Operation 7. A game I used to be very familiar with. Would’ve been worth trying. I tried it. Same thing happened. Same process. Been able to play for less than an hour then it got impossible to log in.

Hey, I’m not blaming the game companies. My Internet connection was just too slow.

I even got back to playing Gunbound. I think I may have stumbled upon a private server since it wasn’t Mobius which was what I recall to have been handling GB in the Philippines. This time, it got better. I was able to play for about a week. , , Then comes the difficulty of logging in. If I do get lucky, I get booted out because of the low connection speeds.

Then I took a little peek at Levelup Games. The same old games were there plus some new ones. Only the crappy ones were free to play. Ragnarok was still up but still went for the same rates as it was before. Sadly, I couldn’t afford this game right now so I let it pass.

 

Months later, I found out from a Hot BBW friend that there are many veteran MMO players who have been hooked on playing Ragnarok in private servers. I used to be an avid gamer (of Ragnarok) back in 2004 and I am kinda missing it so I gave it a try.

I downloaded a 1.5GBish installer. Well, it took me about 4 days to download but that’s just me. Installed it right after downloading then updated with the patcher.

Luckily, everything went smoothly after patching. Was able to play… until they had to close the server for maintenance.

Anyway, it performed satisfactorily. There were less lags (must’ve been my internet) than the paid Ro I used to play and this time, it’s free. No more 300 per month or 100 per week or 50 per 8 hours.

Also, the lag could be easily managed since there were fewer people logged on compared to 2004.

The Major difference was the experience accumulation. Of course, Paid RO from Levelup had to take long before you level-up. They had to squeeze every last centavo out of you. This time, it was free so they tweaked a few things. . . Ok, a lotta things.

Before, it took me months of casual gaming just to get to a decent level and my character still sucked. Now, I played for around less than two hours and my character is more than what my character was 6 years ago. Now, that was fast.

But the long-time players insisted that it gets challenging later on like they tweaked things so you’d level-up faster to face the better challenges earlier.

 

In a nut shell, I’m anticipating my coming adventures in this server. The maintenance just made me salivate for more.

 

And did I forget to tell you about the uber cool new jobs and 3rd level jobs? It is Awesome!

Gotta go now. Looks like the server is up again. 😀

Many of you might have already heard of this on from somewhere but this was one of those that really hit my funny bone. Well, I think it’s worth sharing anyway. I just hope I still remember the details and that I could write it in a way that would preserve its “funny” factor.

 

One man in his late sixties went to his doctor and said “Doc, I want to be castrated.” The Doctor was a bit puzzled why the old man would even bother about it but being a professional that he is, he tried to explain how it would affect the patient’s daily life. He said “Are you sure you want to have this operation? It really isn’t necessary.”

“I’m 100% sure Doc. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time and I think it’s about time. I’m ready.” Answered the old man. “But this operation will change your daily life in ways you haven’t experienced before.” Explained the doctor.

“I’m sure of it.” Expressed the old man.

One week after, they went through with the operation. After a while, when the wound was almost healed, the old man went for a walk on the Hospital’s hallways. He saw another old man just about his age seemingly in the same state he was in. (They were both wearing loose shorts and were holding the front part so it wouldn’t touch the wound.

“So, you too huh?” asked the other old man.

“Yeah.” Replied the first.

“At first I was really hesitant about this operation.” Said the other old man. “But my family convinced me it’s about time I got circumcised.

Perplexed (and surprised), the first old man said “So, that’s the right term.”

I do have a tendency to avoid fads. For one, I buy my wares at cheaper rates compared to when they were still hot while getting the same quality. That aside, I also do not like the idea of being “in” or getting it with the “in” crowd.

When it comes to games, the same applies to me… unless, of course, I got the game for free or something like that.

I’ve heard of this game months ago. Before my little incident. I have even acquired me a sparrow copy of it through a friend but things were quite busy back then so I wasn’t able to install it. Too bad I lost all my digital storage in that incident.

Anyway, after months, I got myself acquainted to another sparrow copy from another friend. In truth, It’s been with me for around a week but I only got bored enough to consider playing it last night.

I was familiar with much more complex Tower Defence games and this proved easy at first but it proved challenging mid-way.

Too challenging that I got to the point of finishing adventure mode last night. Hehehe.

The only drawback is that the adventure mode is too short but there are mini-games that would keep you company after the main game so you won’t really be left alone. Tons of unlockables can be purchased with hard earned game cash. Also, most average level to extreme level mini-games are even more challenging than adventure mode so it’s a totally different level of gaming experience.

But I have to warn you, if you haven’t played this before, make sure you got a lot of time in your hands before playing because this game is quite addictive.

 

Anyway, chances are you’ve already played this game before so why am I even writing this? XD

Nyahahaha!

If you have recently bought a brand new or almost brand new car at an unbelievably low price…

Or if someone recently pawned (sangla) you a car at a very low price…

Please check if you have the original OR/CR with you…

There is a syndicate operating with the following MODUS OPERANDI.

1. They acquire cars from investors luring them to think that they will be paid between 2500-5000 per day and that their cars would be used as hotel service..

2. Instead of having the cars rented, they pawn the cars at very low prices with the promise of big interest or sell them at suspiciously low prices.

3. They will provide you with a forged set of documents as follows.
a. Special power of attorney give to a certain EVANGELINE PROTASIO
b. Mortgage agreement stipulating that if you are not paid within 90days, the car is yours
c. A postdated check with your interest included
d. A xerox copy of the scammers passport (EVANGELINE PROTASIO)
e. An open deed of sale for the vehicle in your possession
d. Xerox copy of the OR/CR or the VEHICLE SALES INVOICE

If you have transacted in this manner, chances are the car you may be driving right now is stolen and has already been reported as missing. a lot of people have already been arrested for anti fencing and are facing charges.

Please pass this on to your friends for they might have already been victimized by this syndicate.

You may contact any NBI office and let them know that you’re one of the victims of ms. EVANGELINE PROTASIO.

On the other hand, some of the vehicle owners are willing to give monetary rewards for the return of their vehicles and at the same time help you recover your investment from the scammers via filing of multiple estafa and carnapping cases against miss PROTASIO.

If you are a victim, you can PM kamote_1 for advice.

If you don’t believe this post, please click here..

Woman Bilks Mayor, 4 Others of 17M

She did it 2years ago and she has done it again this year.. please join our crusade to put her behind bars where she belongs or she may do it again after a couple of years.

We Filipinos have this habit of looking back to the past in hopes that it would affect our future or at least influence the present.

I am not above this so I downloaded a copy of Sim City 4 which was originally released back in 2003. (I think) I guess they scrapped the Sim City Project after “The Sims” rose to fame.

Well, the big difference is that Sim City has such a wide focus while The Sims focus only on one family or at least an individual. I have a notion that The Sims gained popularity because it is way easier to play compared to Sim City. In Sim City 4, you not only control the building types that can be built on a certain patch of land and the facilities that help people within the city, you also control the economy. I found it fascinating how you could control the budget. You could control tax rates, police budget, fire fighting budget and even the water services budget.

The big difference which I liked compared to previous versions is that you manage up to a whole region. You could set adjacent cities up just like in the real world. You link them with roads, transportation services and up to major airports.

Now, I haven’t gone to that point yet but I think one can link different regions using airports.

Such realism is only hindered by the lack of better graphics but I don’t mind. It was meant to be a mind game. What’s best is that you don’t need a high-end PC just to play it.

But I do have to warn you. Playing this game is quite addictive and mind consuming. (That’s right. Mind Consuming… But it’s also Time Consuming. Hehehe.) But it is a good mental exercise. It’s too addictive that ever since I got into it, I kept forgetting to play The Sims 3. (Yeah, it has beaten The Sims 3 in my personal schedule. Lol!)

In a Mental Institution, the Doctor does regular check-ups to see if the patients were cured. Here is the transcript of her interview with one of the patients:

Dra: Kung makakalabas ka dito, ano una mong gagawin? (If we were to let you out, what would be the first thing you’d do?)

Juan: Maghahanap ho ako ng asawa. (I’ma go find a wife.)

Dra: Tapos, ano gagawin mo? (Then what would you do?)

Juan: Dadalhin ko ho siya sa Baguio. Dun kami magpu pulot-gata. (I’ll take her up to Baguio. We’ll have our honeymoon.)

Dra: Tapos, ano pa? (Then what?)

Juan: Dadalhin ko siya sa hotel. (I’ll take her to a hotel.)

Dra: Tapos? (Then?)

Juan: Pagpasok sa kwarto, huhubaran ko siya. (When we get in the room, I’ll undress her.)

Dra: Naks! Tapos? (Nice! Then what?)

Juan: Tapos, tatanggalin ko mga damit niyang panloob. (Then I’ll remove her underwear.)

Dra: Wow! Tapos, ano gagawin mo? (Wow! Then what would you do?)

Juan: Kukunin ko yung mga garter. (I’ll take out the garters.)

Dra: Aanhin mo yung mga garter? (What would you do with the garters?)

Juan: Gagawa ako ng tirador. (I’ll make a slingshot.)

Dra: Aanhin mo naman yung tirador? (What would you do with the slingshot?)

Juan: Titiradurin ko yung Buwan!!! (I’ll shoot a rock at the moon!!!)

 

Hehehe. Peace!

I may have solved all our Pre-paid Globe Problems.

 

On the first time my account was suspended, I was informed it would be automatically lifted, if no real malicious/illegal activity is proven, after a month. I didn’t wait a month. Instead, I bought a new SIM and resumed my online life.

 

Recently, there has been trouble within Globe that left us unable to register to SuperSurf. Maester Dondz bought a new SIM and left his old one on reserve. It worked for him.

 

I, on the other hand, would not like to end up with a large stack of used SIM Cards so I did a little experiment. (Thanks to the Consultant Team Leader who graciously gave me a cash advance which aided me on this li’l project.)

First, I loaded my 2nd Tattoo SIM with 55 pesos. (50 for SuperSurf and 5 for the minimum maintaining balance. I still had 1 peso in the account.) Then I tried registering to Supersurf50. It failed so I let the wife access Facebook with it. Can’t let it go to waste. Hehehe.

Then I Loaded 60 pesos into my 1st Tattoo SIM to try if it would work. First try and it went smoothly like a stripper’s assets.

I’m on SuperSurf again!

 

So here’s what I’ve found out: Accounts flagged or banned from SUPERSURF gets automatically unbanned after a month. It took about two months before my 2nd account so I’d say we’ve got about two months to use a SIM until it gets banned then we just swap it with the reserve until the next two months. We may not really need to keep buying new SIMs. We just need to recycle. 😀

 

If all else fails, I’m sure we could figure something out. Lol!